Getting Back on the Horse

It’s been a tough year, what with illness, bereavement and over-commitment.  I’ll hold my hands up to having fallen off the horse thoroughly back in May, when suddenly money didn’t seem very important at all.

In explanation, I lost my father in May to an incredibly aggressive combination of illnesses, of which cancer was the strongest.  I’ve spent the time between then and now grieving, resting and regrouping my resources, ready to carry on forwards in the way that he would have wanted.

My father taught me some important lessons, and I think this is a good time and place to reflect on those:

• It is perfectly possible to be happy with very little in the way of material things.  Dad didn’t collect *stuff*.  He liked books, but only kept the ones that he wanted to re-read a LOT.  My memories of Dad aren’t tied up with things, but with feelings and events.  I don’t have to think hard to remember the way his hugs felt or the sound of his singing, but I’d really struggle to tell you about his *stuff* because there just wasn’t any.
• Doing what you love is more rewarding than chasing money.  Dad worked for the same company for his entire life – apprenticeship until retirement.  He could undoubtedly made much more money if he had swapped jobs or allowed himself to be headhunted.  But he loved what he did, where he did it and the stress of swapping that around and moving his family would probably have far outweighed any benefit.
• If you are bad with money, admit it and learn to trust a partner who is good with it.  My Mum is a financial whizz.  She can make a meal for a family of five for a pound (forget Jamie Oliver’s recent Sainsbury-sponsored exhortations to feed “four for a fiver”!).  She managed to buy a house, get a good retirement plan, have solid savings and STILL have enough for a few foreign holidays in their retirement.  Dad always admitted that if money was left up to him, the family would have been far more hard-up.  But he learned to trust Mum’s judgement and she was (and still is) brilliant.
• Figure out what’s important to you and build the rest of your life around it.  Dad had a difficult childhood during the Depression and then the Second World War.  His family was fractured and never really rebuilt.  As a consequence of this, he decided that all he really wanted was a stable family of his own in a house that he wouldn’t have to move from.  This was what he pursued with all his heart, and when he attained and kept it – this was what made him happy every day of his life.  He had the serenity of someone who has seen his dreams come true.
• Dreams don’t have to be unattainable.  Dad wanted a family and a home.  He didn’t see the need to aspire to someone else’s ideals of what he should want, and consequently, he found it quite easy to be happy with what he had.
• Debt is BAD.  Well, say no more.  If you’re reading this blog then you want out as well – you’re with my Dad on this one, eh?  He had a credit card, but only used it for things that he knew he could pay off at the end of the month when the bill came.

My father was a simple, honest man who blessed those who came into contact with him.  The lessons that he left me with are worth studying, and I plan to make them fit into my life from here on out.

Thanks, Dad.